Sigh...

So, I don't think the new medication is working, I think it is only making it worse, so, I stopped taking it. I'm slightly less tired now, but I am still depressed, yet slightly manic at the same time (I'm tired, yet I can't sleep) :(

What's a girl to do?

I am thinking about going to a new shrink, mine just seems to want to push pills instead of listening to me and truly trying to figure out what would be best for me. Why does this whole process have to be so painstakingly difficult, especially for someone who can't gather up enough energy to do something about it. No wonder, most of us prefer to wallow and be trapped in our mental prison rather than actively seek help for it; it is so dang hard to find a good combo of shrink, therapist, and medication.

You truly wouldn't believe what a nightmare it is. It makes one feel hopeless and helpless. And please, no "well, if you would just do this..." or "You should try this..." Let me have my pity party for now, believe it or not it can be constructive. The last thing a mentally ill person wants is to be treated like a helpless child or lazy bum. And no, I'm not talking about anyone in particular here, just generalizing. I hate the standard fix-it-all remedy that everyone tries to feed me, "Well, if you would jut get out and do something..." When people say that it truly means they don't get it and never will. Believe me that doesn't fix anything, it just gets me out of the house where I can feel miserable out in public (not a fun or desirable thing when I feel this way).

Now there are times when I want to get out, and that is great, and when I feel that way it does make me feel better, but I have to feel well enough to have the energy to do so. Ah, it is all such a conundrum. Oh, well. Sorry for the rant, but I must admit I feel slightly better.